Anthithesis of My Soul

Antithesis of My Soul

The cold of night casts dark shadows which chill
the very being of my soul with icy
longing which takes my breath and leaves it short.

Alone I sit, and fight the chill only
to find the fortified bottle cannot
protect against that which haunts my soul.

Can God forgive a sin committed by
a heart blinded by wants and needs unknown
and quite without a form to see or grasp?

Can God forgive a love experienced
through a desire which has no place in this
world that cannot reconcile with my heart?

Can the Blessed Virgin help to heal the
great wound which splits my soul in two great halves
and causes agony with every breath?

In looking back with clear green eyes all that
I see is wrongful pain for all who were
witness to this a crime against my love.

I reason with my tortured mind and try
to reach a numb accord to hold at bay
emotion's cold and sharp unfeeling blade.

My memory turns and wanders through time
it scrambles to see and understand how
mistakes can be so easily made.

If I could numb my senses with some crude
and subtle potion to hide my raw hurt
from a world which has little pity,

Then perhaps I could conceal my own pain
from myself so my memory could half
forget the things which passed two years ago.

But, should I leave the pain behind I might
forget the love that I held so strong with
another that I do not dare forget.

And in my pain I give myself to those
who will only use that which i have to give
so that nothing is left, I am alone.